Team Anko rewritten
by sco23
Summary: What if Anko Mitarashi was assigned a team of eccentric konoha genin at the beginning? Rated M for cursing, adult content, crude humor, craziness, and random situations. Rated for safety. Humor/friendship/slapstick.
1. The Fox and The Acarophile

**I don't own Naruto. This story is a parody of Naruto, which means it would be treated for mostly humor and slapstick just to make people laugh. If you don't like parodies, read something else.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 1: The Fox and the Acarophile**.

In the village of Konoha, two twelve year old boys were running with paint cans in their hands and laughing hysterically. One wore an orange jumpsuit with blue sandals and has blond spiky hair with whiskers on his face. The other wore a similar maroon jumpsuit that has the kanji sign for laugh in the back with Columbia blue sandals and has short black cornrows and black eyes. They were being chased by four academy instructors two men and two women.

"Get back here you little monsters, you two are in big trouble now," shouted one of them.

"hahahaha, Ah man Naruto that was pure genius, painting the entire Hokage mountain by yourself without anyone detecting you until the last minute," shouted the black haired boy. "Even more hilarious than the time I put itching powder in Sakura and Ino's underwear."

"All in a days work for the future Hokage, Daisuke," shouted Naruto Uzumaki. "These guys are weak if they can't do anything this outrageous."

Daisuke looked back and shouted, "Nananananana I think we're staying alive cause y'all can't catch up with these Jives you slow turkeys."

Both boys leaped through buildings until the academy instructors gained up on them.

"Hey Daisuke, do you still have anymore smoke bombs," asked Naruto.

"Indeed I do buddy, Do you have a plan," asked Daisuke.

"Oh yeah," smiled Naruto.

* * *

Meanwhile the academy instructors were still giving chase when they were surrounded by smoke.

"Which way did they go," one of the teachers coughed.

The smoke cleared and the teachers saw the Naruto and Daisuke split up going different directions.

"You men go after Daisuke and we'll go after Naruto," one of the female teachers said.

"Why do you get to go after Naruto," asked one of the male teachers.

"You know damn well why," shouted the female teacher as she and the other female headed for Naruto's direction.

Naruto ran until he reached a dead end, he looked behind him and saw the two female instructors cornering him.

"Fun and games are over you little monster," said the first woman.

"You're going back to the academy, you little failure," said the second woman.

"Ladies, I'm not just any monster," said Naruto as his form begin to change to into a smiling Daisuke.

"I'm the tickle monster Bitches," said Daisuke as his eyes begin to glow pink.

Suddenly the two instructors screamed before doubling over laughing hysterically.

"hahahahahaha stop it you brat hahahahahahahaha," laughed the second woman.

"Stop tickling me you little acarophile bastard hahahahahahahahahahaha," laughed the first woman.

"You guys want to know how I tricked y'all," smiled Daisuke. " I threw the smoke bombs allowing Naruto to escape, then I made a clone, had it henge into me while I henge into Naruto, and have the clone send the the rest of the sensei's on a wild goose chase, clever huh."

"Oh and by the way I don't appreciate you calling Naruto a failure and a monster, And just for that I'm going to tickle you two until you pee in your pants, I hope you brought a fresh change of underwear," smiled Daisuke as he increased the ticklish sensation in their body causing the women to laugh harder.

* * *

Meanwhile at the ninja academy Iruka Umino was scolding a tied up Naruto about how he had failed the graduation exam twice.

"Where is Daisuke Yagani," asked Iruka.

Suddenly the classroom door opened up and the female teachers came in. They looked extremely tired, furious, drenched with sweat, and looked like they wet their pants thrice over. One of them was carrying a tied up white duck. One of the woman angrily shoved the duck into Iruka's hands.

"If I never see him again, it would be too soon," said the first woman seething.

The duck gently and playfully bit her nose. The entire class laughed. The woman was about to punch the duck.

"Animal cruelty, Animal cruelty," shouted the duck.

Iruka stopped the woman from hitting the duck.

"Don't worry, I will deal with both of them," said Iruka.

"Aflac, Aflac," said the duck loudly.

The two women left the classroom slamming the door shut.

"Aflac, Aflac," said the duck again.

Iruka sighed as he put the duck on the floor and tickled it. The duck laughed and turned back into a laughing Daisuke.

"What am I going to do with you two," sighed Iruka as he cut the ropes around the boys.

"I see they caught you first this time, huh Naruto," said Daisuke not paying any attention to Iruka.

"I was just careless this time," said Naruto.

Iruka put his hands over his face in frustation and look at the class.

"Because of the actions of these two, everyone will go over their transformation technique again," said Iruka.

"Alright easy A," shouted Daisuke.

The entire class groaned and lined up.

"Nice going bozo's," said Shikamaru.

"We always pay your screw ups," said Ino

"Like I care," said Naruto.

"Oh get over yourself you Blonde Oinker," said Daisuke.

Naruto stepped out of line and used his sexy jutsu on Iruka and was scolded some more.

After school Naruto and Daisuke cleaned the grafitti that they made on the hokage mountain.

* * *

The next day Naruto and Daisuke sat on the playground swings looking sad. While Daisuke passed his graduation exam, Naruto failed the clone test miserably.

"Hey cheer up buddy, there's always next year," said Daisuke trying to reassure Naruto.

They heard two woman talking about Naruto failing and that was a good thing and why Daisuke prefers to hang with someone like him instead of the normal kids.

Daisuke shook his head. "Those ho's don't have any respect for the future hokage," He mumbled. Naruto said nothing.

Daisuke smiled and asked, "Hey do you want to prank them, We can puts itching powder in their pant or put bubble gum in their hair."

"I don't feel like pranking anyone," said Naruto.

"Well, do you want to come over to my house for dinner, my family says that you are always welcome anytime," asked Daisuke.

"No, I just want to be alone for today," said Naruto.

"Well okay then, I guess I'll see you around then buddy," said Daisuke as he went home.

* * *

A few days later in the academy Naruto showed Daisuke his new headband.

"Hey, how did a deadlast like you graduate," shouted Kiba to Naruto.

"He had a three way with your Mom and Sister last night," shouted Daisuke. "I could hear them howling his name while he was thrusting into them all the way from my house. They shouted, Bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay. I was like who let the dogs out."

"You son of a bitch," shouted Kiba leaping at Daisuke. Daisuke pulled out a frisbee and wave it in front of him. Kiba's eyes was focus on the frisbee. Daisuke tossed it out of a window. "Fetch the frisbee, boy," said Daisuke.

"Daisuke you bastard," shouted Kiba as he jumped out of the window after it. "I guess he's a mutt after all," Daisuke giggled as he sat down next to Naruto.

"Naruto, congratulation I knew you were going to pass somehow," shouted Daisuke showing him his columbia blue headband.

Suddenly they heard the sound of two girls rushing into the class.

"Oh great it's the banshee sisters, Sakura Haruno and Ino Yamanaka or as I would like to call them as I sing They're Pinky, They're Pinky and the Pig, Pig, Pig, Pig, Pig," sung Daisuke.

Naruto was too busy being infatuated with Sakura as she came closer. Naruto was about to talk to Sakura when she pushed him out of the way to talk to Sasuke Uchiha who was sitting next to Naruto the entire time.

"Whoa that is very disrespectful and out of line Sakura," shouted Daisuke helping Naruto up. "I'm sure your mother raised you to be better than that."

"Who cares he was in my way," said Sakura nonchalantly.

"Super cow bitch looking like she squirts strawberry milk from her orangutan titties," mumbled Daisuke.

"What did you call me," shouted Sakura walking toward him.

"The cow says moo trick and I'm only calling it as I see it," said Daisuke.

Naruto stood between them and said, "Daisuke it's okay I'm sure she didn't mean it."

"No way, she has to learn she can't treat anyone like that, but I suppose I'll let it slide this time," said Daisuke sitting back in his seat.

Meanwhile Naruto and Sasuke were having a glare off further provoking Sasuke's fan girls when one boy accidentally shove Naruto into Sasuke making them kiss.

"Oh dude, that is so wrong, brush your teeth Naruto and use some Listerine while your at it," laughed Daisuke.

Both Sasuke and Naruto were gagging, the outraged girls glared daggers at Naruto, and Sakura cracked her knuckles ominously.

Just as Sakura was about to pound Naruto, Daisuke grabbed her arm squeezing and twisting it.

"You got the wrong one pinky, swing at him if you want to trick and find out what happens," said Daisuke.

"Let me go, he has to pay for stealing Sasuke's first kiss," growled Sakura.

"Maybe a little therapy from me would calm your nerves down a bit," said Daisuke as he kicked Sakura's legs out from under her making her fall to the floor on her stomach. Daisuke sat on Sakura pining her down and smacking her ass repeatedly.

"Giddy-up Pinkie Pie, Hi Ho Silver away," said Daisuke as his eyes glowed pink.

Suddenly Sakura was laughing hysterically on the floor and begging Daisuke to stop. She tried to hit to get him off, but it wouldn't work.

Daisuke looked at Ino and the rest of the fan girls and said, "Feel free to jump in anytime girls, we can have a tickle party before sensei get here."

Iruka came in the classroom and yelled "Will all of you please shut the fuck up and sit your asses down for your team placements." Everyone quickly scattered to their seats and listened.

Team 1-6 Use your imaginations

Team 7: Sakura Haruno, Naruto Uzamaki, and Sasuke Uchiha. Your Sensei is Kakashi Hatake

Team 8: Kiba Inuzuka , Hinata Hyuuga , and Shino Abarame. Your Sensei is Kurenai Yuuhi

Team 9: Mai Kamaya, Sora Matsuki, and Daisuke Yagani, Your Sensei is strangely Anko Mitarashi

Team 10: Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Nara , and Choji Akimichi , Your Sensei is Asuma Sarutobi

"Great I got the idiot and the red head," thought Mai as she slammed her head on the desk.

"Drat's I'm not with Naruto my prank partner in crime. Oh well At least I'm cool with Sora, but as for Mai I hope she forgot that incident that has happened a while back," thought Daisuke.

"Yes I'm on the same team as Daisuke, now I will get a chance to tell him how I feel about him," thought Sora as she did a victory dance in her head.

* * *

Anko Mitarashi, snake mistress of Konoha and former student of a certain snake pedophile (yes I seriously think Orochimaru is a pedophile) was walking slowly to the classroom fuming because the Hokage has made her take a team by threatening to ban her every dango store in konoha.

Anko opened the classroom door and shouted out "team 9 meet me in training ground number 44," and then she disappeared.

After the team arrived at the entrance in the forest of death they all sat down and introduced themselves.

Anko sat up and start. "My name is Anko Mitarashi, the sexy and single kunoichi. I like dango, torture, and messing with other people minds for my own sick amusement. I dislike those that try to steal my dango and a certain snake pedophile. My dreams for the future is to kill said snake and now for you three."

"My name is Daisuke Yagani and I like playing pranks, hanging out with my best friend Naruto, and making girls laugh themselves silly by hilarious means. My dislikes are emo's, pricks, bitchy fangirls, like Sakura and Ino and those who don't have a sense of humor and certain ice princesses," said Daisuke looking at Mai. "My dream is to be the funniest ninja in the world, find a girl who would like me just the way I am and also has a great sense of humor."

Right next to Daisuke is a red headed girl wearing red pants, a red Chinese style shirt with a dragon symbol in the back of her shirt, and a red hitae-ate around her head, and has red eyes stood up and introduced herself.

"My name is Sora Matsuki. My likes are shopping, training to be a powerful kunoichi and hanging out with my team and a certain guy," she said looking and blushing at her only male teammate.

"Who is this guy?" asked Daisuke.

Sora just ignored him and continued, "My dislikes are kunoichi's that are fangirls, and those who threaten my friends. My dream is to be the best kunoichi in the shinobi world."

"Very good," said Anko. "I like Kunoichi's that are serious about being ninja. Your next" as she pointed at the last girl.

Right next to Sora stood a girl with white hair in a ponytail like shippuuden Ino, but lacking her trademark bang, wearing black clothes that shows off her figure, she has ice blue eyes that seem to stare at your soul, and a black hitae-ate around her waist. She stood up and introduced herself.

"My name is Mai Kamaya. I have no real likes, but I do have many dislikes, such as Fangirls that give us Kunoichi's a bad name, being in the same team as a certain semi pervert with Acarophilia(1) tendencies to girls."

Mai glared at Daisuke with red glowing eyes while he innocently whistled with Mai still glaring at him until he cracked.

"Oh come on, your not still mad at me about that are you, Mizuki-sensei made us spar and beside you needed to laugh more often," said Daisuke.

"You almost made me wet my pants in front of the entire class," growled Mai.

"I can't really control that," shrugged Daisuke. "Your a much better fighter than I could ever be and I really couldn't let you beat me up."

Sora and Anko giggled while Sora thought, "Yeah, but I wish he did those things to me as well."

"Girls that are preppy and over excited," Mai continued looking at Sora.

"Hey, I'm not preppy bitch, I'm just a little mature for my age that's all and I just get too excited sometimes," shouted Sora.

Mai looked at Anko and said, "Notoriously crazy snake ladies that acts like a kid sometimes." looking at Anko.

"I'm not crazy, just misunderstood," thought Anko.

"Okay, we'll meet me here tomorrow same place at 9 a.m. for your genin exams," said Anko and then she disappeared. "Well this is a colorful team, now I know why the Hokage wanted them on my team, although Mai needs to loosen up a bit and stop acting like an ice bitch." This could be one of the greatest genin team in Konoha under my tor-I mean training. Hehehehe.

* * *

(1)Acarophilia refers to a person that has a general love of tickling, but doesn't necessarily have any sexual and fetish components to it.

**Yes I decided to start over again. There's going to be a lot of changes in the story though. I'll do my best not to make them Mary sue and overpowered this time. But if I do please let me know.**


	2. The Bell Test

**I don't own Naruto. But if I did Naruto would be as crazy as Daisuke.  
**

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**Chapter 2: The bell test.**

The next morning team 9 met up in the field in the forest of death. Anko started off by saying, "all right team today's the day you start your test to become genin." She took out three bells and showed them to the team.

"You three each has to get a bell from me within four hours. You can use anything at your disposal since I'm a special jounin. You'll have to come at me with the attempt to kill other wise you'll never get the bells," Explained Anko.

"We understand," said the team simultaneously.

"Good," said Anko, and to make this more challenging and interesting, Anko put the bells in her underpants. The team looked at Anko like she is crazy.

"Why did you do that Anko-sensei?" asked Sora.

Anko smiled "A ninja must do whatever it takes to complete the mission even putting your hands in the jaws of death sometimes. If you do things that you don't want to do to complete the mission then that makes you a better ninja."

"Well I do have to pass this and better a woman than a man," thought Daisuke.

Mai's eyebrow twitched "Shit, I have to touch another woman's snatch, can this day get any worse?" she thought.

Sora's face darkened "Dammit I wanted Daisuke's hand in my underwear first, it isn't fair," she thought.

"Alright" shouted Anko, "You have four hours to get the bell from the honey pot, ready and start."

Anko disappeared.

Sora looked at the guys "well we have four h- hey wait Mai where are you going?" she said.

Mai looked at Sora and calmly said, "I'm going to get those bells."

"Come on Daisuke let's go after her and cover her," said Sora.

"Already ahead of you, I'm going to try and give away Anko-sensei's position," said Daisuke running ahead.

Sora sighed and said, "we could have done it together as a team."

Meanwhile Anko was hiding in the trees "Sora's the only person to get the meaning of the test, I hope the other two get it soon." she thought.

Anko suddenly felt a tickling sensation under her arms, on her bellybutton, sides, ribs, feet, and any other spot that is ticklish to a woman.

"What the hell is going on here? It feels like someone is tickling me all over, but there is no one there," thought Anko.

Suddenly she heard giggling and saw Daisuke smiling with his eyes glowing pink, "Oh Anko-sensei, I know you're very ticklish, now why don't you give up those bells and I won't have to turn up the volume like I'm doing now," said Daisuke.

Anko suddenly burst out laughing "hahahahahahaha Damn you hahahahaha I won't give up that easily to a measly genin hahhahahehehhah you're going to have to take them from me hahahahahahehehe stop it hahahahaha. Damn it you tickle fiend hahahaha. What the hell is this?"

"I call it my Tickle torture jutsu (**gōmon kusuguru no jutsu** E-rank technique) and how it works is by expelling my chakra out of my body through my eyes and entering my victims body, I can effect the nerve endings causing ticklish sensations all over the body, I can also heighten the sensation to an unknown extent causing that person to go completely crazy. I mainly likes to use this on girls since I have acarophilia tendencies towards them and I really don't like to hit them as well. It's originally used for distractions or just aggravating people, cool huh sensei?" said Daisuke. "It's an E-rank technique but the only problem is that it is difficult for me to to keep it under control, so I need a certain amount of concentration to effect just one specific person, because if I were to cut loose I can accidentally effect people around me that I don't intend to tickle."

"You little bastard," laughed Anko "I'm not giving up those bells without a fight."

Daisuke smiled "if that's the way it is I'm going to have to take it by force. Let me show you what I can do."

Daisuke used a handsign and suddenly he was surrounded by smoke and light as he turned into a perfect copy of Hinata Hyuga shocking Anko.

"What the hell," said Anko.

"Voila, what do you think," said Daisuke/Hinata stopping the tickling.

"What the hell are you doing here, you're suppose to be training with Kurenai," said Anko.

"It's me sensei, I'm still Daisuke, taking the form of one of my classmates," said Fake Hinata. "Let me explain, I was close to being deadlast in class, but there was one particular subject that I was even better then everyone at my class at, and that was henge, but this type of henge is more advanced than the type of henge regular ninjas used. It's an ancient form of henge called **Henshin** (shape shifting). Whether it's a bloodline or a natural ability, I really don't know as I'm the only one in my family that can actually do it, but it allows me to literally take the form of nearly any type of humans and existing animals just by looking at them. But there are limits and restrictions of what I can and can't do as I will explain as I go along."

Fake Hinata activate her fake Byakugan and charged at Anko.

Anko tried to dodge, but Fake Hinata hit her arm making it go limp.

"but how, your not a Hyuga, you shouldn't even know the gentle fist or Byakugan," said Anko.

"Your half right sensei," said Fake Hinata. "I **CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME imitate** Byakugan, Sharingan, or any dojutsu that involves the eyes, but I can fake it by changing the color of my eyes making people believe I have it, so I can have an edge in battle and also since I'm in Hinata's form, I can use her fighting style, but only when I'm in her form. The drawback is that any technique I imitate can't exceed my own chakra capacity to use and it has to be in the form of the person that uses it, unless I can learn it in my real form, so since I'm still young the highest I can do right now is C-rank jutsu's and even that wears me out. I prefer to take the form of people around my age or younger than me, because turning into an adult or person that is more powerful than me and using jutsu's at the same time will result in severe chakra exhaustion."

"But how do you know where my tenketsu point are," asked Anko trying to heal her arm.

"The benefits of taking Hinata's form also means having her muscle memory and it helps that I know a few pressure points as well," said Fake Hinata as she charged at Anko again.

Anko being prepared this time dodge Fake Hinata's gentle fist barrage and threw a barrage of kunai, but Fake Hinata used her gentle fist to block them.

"So that means you literally a girl," said Anko.

"Yep, though having breast and a vagina does feel kind of weird to me, no offense," said Fake Hinata.

"None taken," said Anko dodging another blow.

"She's fast, I'll have to slow her down a bit," thought Fake Hinata.

Fake Hinata's eyes glowed pink and Anko felt the tickling sensation on her feet and thighs making her unable to dodge.

"So sensei, do we pass or do I have to make you pee your skirt," smiled fake Hinata.

Anko laughing hysterically desperately raised her arms and made a punching motion while shouting "**Hidden Shadow Snake Hands (Sen'eijashu)**" as snakes came out of her coat sleeves and headed straight towards the fake.

"Ah cinnamon buns," shouted Fake Hinata as she was caught by the snakes.

Anko pulled hard and sent Fake Hinata right into a tree knocking her out and changing back into Daisuke.

Anko stopped laughing as the tickling stopped and sat up to catch her breathe.

Anko smirked and said, "Nice try, but it would take more than some tickle torture and shape shifting tricks to put me down."

* * *

Meanwhile hidden in the bushes, Mai watched the fight and was slightly impressed with how Daisuke did.

"Well that idiot does have some uses after all, at least he tired her out, now is my chance to get the bells." thought Mai.

Mai jumped out "Surrender those bells Anko-sensei and I won't have to hurt you."

Anko growled "Show me what you got, it can't be any worse than what Daisuke did."

Mai smiled, "Your mistake," as her eyes glowed red.

Suddenly Anko has a vision and feeling the pain of Orochimaru biting her and activating her curse seal in the past when she was a kid, she is feeling the pain right now and also Mai attacking her.

Mai smirked cruelly as she continue punching and kicking her "What was that about Anko-Sensei?"

Anko cursed, "damn you, how are you activating my curse seal?"

Mai explained "My blood line is of the Genjutsu and spiritual type, I could make people see and feel any random physical pain of their past and future just by staring at them. My Genjutsu attack the soul thereby causing wounds to appear on the body. Sadly for you it has no effect on those who's eyes are dead and it's more effective if you're weakened."

"Now Anko-sensei, will you give me those bells or will I have to continue torturing you to the point of death?" Said Mai.

Anko smirked still feeling pain and said, "You're ruthless, intelligent, and devious though you could have worked with your teammates to get the bells."

"Like I need those two losers to help me, I could do this by myself," Mai chuckled.

Anko almost loosing consciousness from the pain laughed, "Sure you can do things by yourself, but when fighting one-on-one against an enemy nin, you may need help because you'll never know if the enemy your fighting has some sort of back up, for example, **Multiple Striking Shadow Snakes (Sen'ei Tajashu)**."

Mai looked at Anko in shock as bigger snakes came out of her sleeves and wrapped around her squeezing her. Mai desperately struggled to get loose but it wasn't enough as she wasn't able to breath and passed out.

Anko suddenly snapped out of her vision "two down, one to go I can't afford to take it easy. That's twice I almost fell to them. I wonder what Sora has planned for me."

* * *

Anko turned around and saw Sora in her fighting stance.

Anko sighed, "You only have two and a half hours, want to take a break."

Sora smiled "I'll pass Anko-sensei, besides I haven't even started yet, Let me show you what I got."

"**Fire Release: Fireball Jutsu (hinotama no jutsu)**." shouted Sora as she slightly inflated her chest and a fire ball (that's half as big as Sasuke's Gōkakyū no Jutsu ) came out of her mouth.

Anko gasped in shock as she dodged the fireball.

"How did you do that, most genin shouldn't be able to use this technique as it takes more than average chakra," said Anko.

"Fire is not only my element, but it is a bloodline as well," explain Sora. "My bloodline allows me to create and manipulate fire and change it's shape and form as well. Because of that, low to mid level Fire jutsu's comes to me about as easily a breathing, but the chakra use of high level fire jutsu and heating the fire to a dangerous level is what makes me save my bloodline's use for certain situations, this is one of them."

Sora's arms were on fire as she made a small fireball in each hand,

"Time to serve up two scoops of candy coated kaboom,** Fire Release: Mini Fireball jutsu (Chibi hinotama no jutsu)**" said Sora as she launched the small fireballs at Anko as she dodged it with skills fit for a jonin.

Anko quickly wrapped some wire around Sora's body and said, "Your not the only one with a fire element, now eat this," "**Fire Release: Dragon Fire Jutsu (Katon: Ryūka no Jutsu)**."

The flames from Anko headed straight towards Sora at high speed and hitting her dead on sending Sora flying a few yards away and singeing Sora's clothes. Sora got up and fell on one knee catching her breathe.

"I guess I'm not ready for the big one's just yet," thought Sora panting.

"Very impressive, but not good enough," said Anko walking towards her," You'll need a few years experience to catch up to me."

Instead of saying anything, Sora unleashed another fireball, but instead of hitting Anko, it hit a log.

"Substitution," thought Sora before she felt a blow on the back of her neck and darkness claiming her.

Anko look down at the unconscious Sora and said, "now that takes care of her and I only got two hours to spare, I'll put some distance between us and take a rest for a while."

Anko went to another part of the forest, climbed a tree and rested.

* * *

Meanwhile Team 9 woke up from their unplanned nap and saw that they had fifty minutes left.

Sora sighed and said, "Look guys, I know we have our differences, but we got to work together if we want to get those bells. I know one genin can't take on a jonin, because it's impossible. "

Daisuke said, "Your right Sora, individually we can't beat her because she in a bigger league than us, but together we might have a chance. Mai I know we got off to a wrong start in the past, but will you put aside your animosity for us and work with us?"

Mai looked down and sighed "Alright I'll work with you guys, any ideas?"

Sora smiled "Okay guys, here's the plan" and she whispered.

Meanwhile Anko was resting on a tree when she suddenly felt the same tickling.

Anko grunted, "Not again" and saw Daisuke smiling and waving at her and saying, "Remember me Anko-sensei."

Anko laughed and tried to get away and saw Mai and Sora blocked her escape and it wasn't bad enough she found herself unable to move.

Anko looked to her right and saw Daisuke in the form of Shikamaru Nara using the shadow bind jutsu.

"Shikamaru may be lazy trifling bastard, but his jutsu is very useful in trapping a certain troublesome woman," said Fake Shikamaru with his eyes glowing pink.

"We finally got your meaning of the test and it is teamwork," Sora said.

Anko still laughing "hahahahahaha true but you still have to take those bells away from me hahahehehahe and you got 30 minutes to do so hahahaha."

Sora shouted, "let's go Team 9".

Fake Shikamaru released the shadow bind a second before Mai got behind Anko and jump kicked her in the back, then she jumped up and double kicked her hard in the chest. Anko doubled over in pain. Sora kicked her in the crotch and punched her in the face. Daisuke jumped on her back making her fall to the ground and pinning her.

"Get the hell off of me," laughed Anko trying to get Daisuke off of her.

"Guys knock her out now," shouted Daisuke.

Mai quickly jumped on Anko's back and pinched a nerve in her neck knocking her out.

Daisuke smiled and said, "Good job team, but we still got to get those out of her underpants, any volunteers?"

"Hell to the motherfucking no," said Sora.

"The only cats I'll ever touch are at a pet store," said Mai.

The girls looked at Daisuke.

"No way, I can't do it. What if she has poisonous snakes in there or Vagina dentata," asked Daisuke.

"Daisuke, there is no woman who exist that have toothed vagina's, that is just a myth and folklore exaggerated to discourage rape and going out with strange women," said Mai rolling her eyes.

"Pretty please Daisuke, If you do it, I'll let you tickle my feet for an hour, after this" said Sora giving him the puppy dog eyes.

"Oh alright, I can't pass up an opportunity to make my teammates laugh anyway," said Daisuke as he put his hands in the abyss.

Daisuke' stuck his hand in there last and thought, "So this is what it feels like, all soft and silky and a little wet."

Anko still asleep whispered, "Iruka-kun stop it, that tickles". Daisuke froze for a few seconds and made sure Anko was still asleep and continued to search.

Sora shouted for him to hurry up, as her inner thought shouted in rage "that should be me sleeping and getting my goodies felt like that." Sora then shouted to check inside her lips. Daisuke did it and found the bells. Daisuke took the bells out and quickly washed his hands in a nearby stream.

Anko started to wake up and the clock rang.

Anko looked around and saw her team have a bell in each of their hands. Anko smiled and said, "Congratulations you each got a bell and passed my test. You are all officially Team Anko."

Sora smiled and said, "We got the whole teamwork thing down."

Anko smiled and said congratulations.

Daisuke says, "It was Sora that got us together and told us that we need to work together."

Mai nodded as well.

"Sora since it was you that brought the team together, whenever I'm not there for y'all, you are team leader. Alright meet me here next tomorrow for training and missions. Personally I think that d-rank missions are a crock, but we will have to do it regardless. Oh and Daisuke, if you ever tell anyone that I'm ticklish and that you ever use that damn technique against me again, I'll feed you to the snakes, got it," said Anko glaring at Daisuke who gulped.

"My lips are sealed," Daisuke said nervously.

Anko smirked and said, "However you can do that to any other female opponent."

Daisuke smiled, "Thank you Anko-Sensei."

Anko shunshined away to the hokage tower.

"All right," shouted Daisuke. "We are officially genin."

"Looks like I'm stuck with you and this Goof troop, oh joy," sighed Mai sarcastically to Sora. Daisuke begin to laugh like Goofy.

"It won't be so bad," said Sora patting Mai's back sympathetically.

"Mai, now is not a time to be negative, It is a time to display a positive attitude, you should let me help you smile," said Daisuke smiling towards Mai with his eyes turning pink.

Mai knowing what Daisuke's intention are nervously backed away trying to run, "Daisuke, I'm warning you, if you tickle me, I'll get really angry at you."

"Idle threat won't deter this Acarophile," said Daisuke grabbing Mai's feet making her fall on her stomach, quickly taking one of her black sandals off and mercilessly tickled the Ice queens foot. "Laughter's the best medicine, I'd always say."

"hahahahahahahahahaha damn it Daisuke, stop it hahahahahahahaha, I'm gonna kick your ass tenfold, hahahahahahahaha I'm dying I'm dying hahahahahahahahaha, Help police, hahahahaha I really hate this team, hahahahahahahaha Sora please get this tickle loving psycho to stop hahahahahahaha," Mai screamed in laughter.

"Do me too Daisuke," said Sora laying her bare feet next to Daisuke.

Daisuke grinned as he grabbed Sora's feet and tickled it as well sending Sora into a laughing frenzy as well.

"That's right hahahahahaha tickle me to your hearts content hahahahahahaha," laughed Sora.

As Daisuke tickled both his teammates feet he thought, "I'm going to enjoy being on this team, though I wonder how Naruto is doing with his team."

* * *

Anko went to the Hokage tower and reported that team 9 passed the bell test with flying colors. Kakashi, Kurenai, and Asuma looked at her and asked what happened to her, she looked like shit, Did those kids really did that to her?

Anko smiled and said "Those brats gave me hell even when they weren't working together at first, but when they finally got together as a team I was completely overwhelmed."

The other jounin was shocked and thinking, "Could three wet behind the ears genin really take down the famed serpent mistress and a special jounin at that?"

Anko turned to them and said, "And just in case you're wondering, I lost on purpose, in other words I deliberately let them beat me by holding back."

"But why," asked Asuma.

"I wanted my own genin team to torture, I mean train," smiled Anko. "What did you really think I was going to let you three have all the fun, I got nothing else to do anyway?"

Later Anko went home battered and bruised. She immediately fell into her bed.

"I think I'm going to enjoy working with those brats," said Anko as she went to sleep.

* * *

**And that's the end of the second chapter. Any questions, comments, shout outs, Review. Oh and before I forget to mention, the team has more flaws and weaknesses, that they have yet to discover for themselves, and they will learn the some of it the hard way about it, but I will reveal it all later in the story. I just didn't want to give away too much.  
**


	3. filler chapter

**I don't own Naruto. But if I did the english version will be dubbed by funimation and shown on adult swim.  
**

* * *

Chapter 3

After passing the test the team went their separate ways. Mai and Sora went home exhausted from being tortured by their henshin teammate and Daisuke decided to see how Naruto is faring in his genin test. When he went to team 7 training grounds, he found Naruto still tied up.

"Naruto, what the hell happened to you," asked Daisuke taking out a kunai and cutting him free.

Naruto smiled, "We passed Kakashi-sensei's bell test."

"That's great and all," said Daisuke. "But why are you tied up."

Naruto and Daisuke told each other about how their team passed their test. Daisuke was amused by the 1000 years of pain jutsu Kakashi used on Naruto and little angry that his team left him tied up for 2 hours after all that stuff he said about leaving a comrade behind. Naruto laughed hysterically after hearing about how Daisuke was made to put his hand in his sensei's underwear just to pass the test.

"Your sensei sounds like a triflin hypocrite," said Daisuke. "I should prank them."

"No, just let it go, Daisuke," said Naruto.

"Why should I," asked Daisuke. "Your stuck on a team with a Jerk, an Emo who may be gay, and a Tsundere that needs to take about a hundred anger management classes and who launches on a full-bore PMS bitch-a-thon over petty stuff."

"Because I need to earn their respect and the villagers respect as well," said Naruto. "My dream is to be Hokage one day. If I can't earn their respect, then I don't deserve to be Hokage."

"I feel what your saying, Naruto," said Daisuke. "But don't let it get too far. Put Sakura on her ass if you have to if she goes too far all that hitting shit."

"Would you get off of Sakura-chan," said Naruto. "She's not so bad."

"I wish you got off of her a long time ago, then we wouldn't be having this conversation," said Daisuke. "I'm hungry as hell man, you up for some ramen."

"You know I can't turn down Ayame-neechan's ramen," said Naruto.

As the two headed for Ichiraku Ramen bar, Daisuke stopped a moment and narrowed his eyes.

"Naruto, you go on ahead, I'll catch up," said Daisuke as he went the other direction.

* * *

Meanwhile watching Naruto walk away from behind a building is a midnight blue haired girl with white pupiless eyes, fair skin, wore a cream-coloured hooded-jacket with a fire symbol on the upper right and left sleeves and fur around the cuffs and hem, with navy blue pants.

"Oh Naruto-kun," thought Hinata. "If only I have the courage to tell you how I feel about you."

"Yeah, I'd be staring at his ass and wanting to take a ride on his disco stick too, if I swung that way, that is," whispered a voice in her ear. "But I suppose that for the most part that's Sasuke's fantasy as well."

Hinata quickly turned around to see a smiling Daisuke with pink glowing eyes, leaning against a wall, waving at her and eating a carrot.

"Eh, what's up doc," said Daisuke.

Suddenly Hinata fell to the ground laughing hysterically. Daisuke knelt to the ground next her on one knee.

"hehehehehehehehe please stop it, that tickles heheheheheheheh I can't stand it hehehehehehe," laughed Hinata.

"I thought you Hyuga's are very hard to sneak upon, I could have been an enemy trying to kill you," said Daisuke as he turned his tickling jutsu off.

"I didn't have my Byakugan activated," Hinata huffed as she sat up.

"I can't imitate dojutsu anyway, so I really wouldn't know what that's like," said Daisuke. "Are you stalking Naruto again?"

"I'm not stalking," shouted Hinata.

"Honey, when you constantly follow someone and you don't let them know you're following them, then that really counts for stalking and it's kind of creepy," said Daisuke. "Why don't you grow a spine, walk up to him and tell him that you want to be friends instead of doing that stalking shit."

"I just can't," said Hinata lowering her head. "I'm just not ready."

"I understand, well when your ready, just tell him, but know this, he won't be available forever, I'm just saying," said Daisuke. "Oh and by the way, have you seen the size of Naruto's penis, it is about 14 inches long and 3 inches thick, think you can handle all that." 

Daisuke smiled as he got the desired effect from Hinata. Hinata's face instantly turned red and she fainted.

"She falls for that every time, I guess even the shy girls do have perverted fantasies after all," laughed Daisuke as he picked up Hinata, laid her down on a bench and hurried over to the ramen stand. When he got there, he saw Naruto on his fourth bowl of ramen.

"Sorry I was late, I just met a shy little mouse who was very interested in you," said Daisuke.

"Liar, Kakashi-sensei uses that same kind of lame excuse," said Naruto.

From behind a curtain stepped a girl who look like she's in her late teens. She has long brown hair, eyes of the same colour and fair skin. She wears a white robe with the sleeves folded, a dark blue apron with ribbon ties at the top and a bright white bandanna on her head.

"Welcome to Ichiraku's Ramen Bar, what can I get you today," asked Ayame politely.

"Well from a pretty foxy mama like yourself, I would like nothing more then to hear your beautiful laugh," said Daisuke as his eyes begin to glow pink. All of a sudden, Daisuke was hit upside the head hard with a rolling pin forcing his eyes to become black again. Daisuke looked behind him and saw a middle aged man wearing similar clothes and a chef's hat crossing his arms and holding the rolling pin and giving him a stern look.

"Ow dude what was that for," asked Daisuke rubbing his noggin. "I just want to hear her laugh."

"No tickling and flirting with my daughter, especially when she's working, Yagani," said Teuchi.

"Fine then, Let me get a bowl of ramen with octopus dumpling," said Daisuke.

"When are you going quit that fetish of yours," asked Naruto. "It's going to get you in big trouble on day."

"Okay first of all I don't get erotic or sexual pleasure off tickling, I just do it for the sake of it so it doesn't count as a fetish. Second I'll quit tickling girls, when you quit ramen," smiled Daisuke.

"Hell no," shouted Naruto. "Ramen is the food of the gods, It is my life, I'll die without it."

"There you go, I'd go crazy if I can't do it, now lets eat Itadakimasu," said Daisuke.

* * *

_This is just a filler chapter. The real fun begins in the next chapter. Sorry if the chapter isn't all that great. My muse wants to be a bitch and my life has been full of fun and adventure. Also we been having that stupid error 2 message on fanfiction lately and it's beginning to be a pain in the ass. Well what are you going to do. Peace.  
_


	4. Meeting the family

**I don't own Naruto.**

**Chapter 4: Meeting the family.  
**

Early in the morning, in her apartment, Anko Mitarashi was eating dango for breakfast while looking at the school files of her students reading only the interesting parts.

_Daisuke Yagani's offenses: putting itching powder in Sakura Haruno and Ino Yamanaka's underwear and putting super glue on their chairs after they both insulted Naruto Uzumaki, used tickle torture jutsu on girls while they were showering in the locker room, tickling his female classmates to the point of wetting their pants, pranking his teachers, his classmates, cutting class to paint the hokage mountain. Got one of his sensei's fired by running around the village naked shouting he's been in his basement after said sensei was accused of mistreating Naruto Uzumaki which turned out to be true. _

"This gaki is as much of a prankster as the Uzumaki kid," laughed Anko flipping to Mai's profile.

_Mai Kamaya social status: Her cold, reserved, distant, and disciplined personality deters her from making any friends, always sits by herself on the lunch table, refuse to work with people, even pushing them away when they try to make friends with her._

"Something has to be doing about this, I have to get Mai to work with her teammates more," said Anko.

_Sora Matsuki's rank in class: Fourth smartest female student in her class, besides Ino Yamanaka, Mai Kamaya and Sakura Haruno. Second best fire jutsu user to Sasuke Uchiha. Fifth in Taijutsu besides Kiba Inuzuka, Hinata Hyuga, Mai Kamaya, and Sasuke Uchiha._

"Second in fire jutsu's huh, we'll have to do something about that," grinned Anko.

* * *

In a small house on the civilian part of the village, all was quiet until there was a loud scream followed by laughter. The reason was two twin girls with green hair was knocking on a door loudly.

"Daisuke, you brat open this door right now and we won't hurt you too badly," shouted one of them.

The door opened and out came Daisuke wearing shorts and a t-shirt. He smiled his usual smile and pretended to be innocent.

"Tsuji, Airi, how are my very pretty, understanding, and forgiving big sisters doing this morning," asked Daisuke.

The two girls were soaking wet with a bucket on each of their heads, both have an angry look on their face.

"Don't play innocent you little Henshin brat, we know this is your handy work," growled Airi.

"Sister's you wouldn't hurt your little brother, would you, I mean what would Mommy say," asked Daisuke.

"We'll deal with the consequences later," growled Tsuji as she and Airi advanced toward Daisuke.

Daisuke ran for his life towards his parents bedroom, he quickly opened it up, closed it, and barricade himself in accidentally waking his parents.

"What in the world is going on," asked Muriel Yagani a woman in her early thirties with short green hair. Daisuke turned into a 5 year old version of himself and hugged her.

"Mommy, Tsuji and Airi are about to do something crazy to me," said Daisuke putting up an act.

"He poured water on our heads again, Mom," shouted the twins from the other side of the door.

"I plead the fifth, it's not what you know, it's what you can prove in court," shouted the chibi Daisuke.

Muriel sighed, "Daisuke, you've got to stop pranking your sisters, now go and apologize to them." And with that she picked up Daisuke and headed towards the the door. "Mommy I love you, don't make me go out there, Dad talk to your wife, help a ninja out man, homies over ho's," shouted Daisuke. His father sound asleep unable to hear Daisuke, just snored. Muriel put Daisuke where his sisters were waiting for him with evil smiles and closed the door.

"So I suppose it's a little late for an apology huh," asked Daisuke. The twins look at each other and pulled out some feathers. "You suppose correctly, brother dear," said Airi. Daisuke turned into a dog and scratch at the door while whimpering.

"Are you ready, Are you ready," sang the twins as they dragged a screaming Daisuke into their room. The door closed and if one would put their ear on the door, they would hear a laughing boy begging his sisters to stop.

* * *

Mai woke up screaming in pain from her bed. She turned on her lamp, looked down on her bed and saw some blood. Mai got out of bed and looked into a mirror. She turned around and saw whip marks on her back.

"Every fucking month, I hate this shit, This is worse than having a fucking period," grumbled Mai as she took off her clothes and got some medical supplies to fix her injuries.

* * *

"Man that was brutal," thought Daisuke as he walked toward Mai's house. "A few more minutes and I might have wet myself, but I suppose I do deserve that." Daisuke saw Mai's house and was amazed. It was a small secluded black mansion, around it looks to be a military obstacle course. When Daisuke came up to the door, he became frightened by the old fashioned door knocker which looked like a wolf's head. Daisuke could've sworn he heard the knocker growl. Gathering up the courage he put his hand on the handle and knocked on it. After a minute the door opened and a middle aged man appeared, he had a black business suit on with slick back hair and has slightly pale skin.

"Uh good morning sir," said Daisuke nervously "Is Mai home right now."

"I'm her father, what business do you have with my daughter," asked the man.

"I'm her genin teammate, Daisuke Yagani, I came to get her for training and missions," said Daisuke.

"Daisuke Yagani huh," said the man rubbing his chin. "Aren't you the one that beat Mai in a spar in the academy, by tickling her."

"That was me, but it was only because I don't really like to hit girls," said Daisuke.

"Your the first person to ever make her laugh, so you have my respect, come on in," said the man letting Daisuke in.

"Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Sawatori Kamaya," said The Man "Mai's room is upstairs on the third room to the left, you can wait for her there."

"Thank you," said Daisuke as he went upstairs. Daisuke went into Mai's room and went in, the room was a bit dark so he sat on a chair and waited. Suddenly two kunai's were launched at him. Daisuke quickly dodged only to be grabbed by the neck and slammed against the wall. Daisuke looked down to see Mai wrapped up in a towel from a shower growling at him. Her eyes glowed red with anger.

Daisuke tried to talk, but with the pressure around his neck he couldn't make a sound.

"Who sent you to assassinate me, did that senile old fuhrer sent his drones, talk now or I'll snap your neck," growled Mai.

Daisuke having no choice tried to kick her off, accidentally loosened her towel and it fell off.

"You think something like that will distract me," growled Mai holding another kunai getting ready to stab him. Daisuke's eyes glowed pink and suddenly Mai doubled over laughing dropping him. Daisuke rubbed his neck struggling to breathe. When he was able to breathe right, he stopped the tickling jutsu allowing Mai to catch her breathe.

"Mai, what the hell woman," shouted Daisuke. "Are you having your period or something?"

Daisuke suddenly noticed his teammates nudity and blushed until he took a closer look. Mai's body was skinny, but slightly muscular probably from training. She had bruises, marks, cuts on her torso, even though they healed up, he can tell that it was recent.

"Mai, who did this to you," asked a concerned Daisuke.

"That's something that you don't need to concern yourself with," said Mai turning her back on him exposing her backside. On her back were fresh whip marks and bruises.

"When one of my friends are hurt it becomes my concern," said Daisuke.

"You consider me a friend, when we barely know each other," asked Mai opening her drawer and putting on her clothes.

"Well yeah, I mean sure we're teammates, but I would like to be your friend," said Daisuke.

Mai quickly finish putting on her clothes and turned to Daisuke. "I apologize for almost snapping your neck, I'm not used to anyone in my room, The room was dark and I thought you were an assassin," she said.

"No, I should have waited," said Daisuke. "Wait, you're not going to kick my ass or beat me up for accidentally seeing you in the buff. Usually an anime girl would try to beat up an anime boy regardless whether it's an accident or not."

"That would be petty and pointless seeing that it was unintentional, besides I need you at your best when we go on missions. Even though you and Sora are idiots. I can't let any thing happen to you guys," said Mai wrapping her hair in a ponytail.

"Thanks, I think," said Daisuke. "Ready to go get Sora?"

"Sure," said Mai. "By the way, I need you to not mention what you seen to anyone including Sora and Sensei."

"Me seeing you in the buff," said Daisuke. "Don't worry about that, I'm crazy not suicidal."

"I meant the bruises you ding a ling doofus," said Mai. "I don't want the other to know just yet."

"Fine, I'll respect your wishes, but I don't have to like it," said Daisuke.

* * *

Mai and Daisuke left the mansion and walked toward Sora's house. When they got there, they heard an explosion around the back. They ran towards the source and saw Sora and an older red haired woman in a jonin vest sparing with each other by launching fire jutsu's at each other. Sora launched multiples mini fireballs at the woman, but the woman rapidly swat it away like it was nothing and launch a grand fireball jutsu at Sora. Sora launched her own grand fireball jutsu to counter it resulting in an explosion which sent Sora flying back crashing into Daisuke sending them both crashing to the ground. Both of them sat up rubbing their heads.

"That would be all for today," said the woman helping them up. "Your stamina is still not good enough yet to master mid level fire jutsu's without getting exhausted."

"Yes Mom," said Sora catching her breathe. "Mom, these are my teammates Mai Kamaya and Daisuke Yagani."

"Hello/good morning," said Daisuke and Mai.

"Well good morning, it's great to see that Sora has friends to hang out with. I'm Haruhi Matsuki," said the woman. "I'd like to stay and chat, but duty calls. You were right Sora, he is quite the looker."

"Mom," shouted Sora embarrassed. "Let's go guys, bye Mom."

After Sora changed into new clothes from her singed ones, the team went the forest of death to meet with their Sensei.

* * *

**And that's the end of the fourth chapter. Any questions, comments, shout outs, Review.**


	5. Missions

**I don't own Naruto. This will be the last chapter before the land of waves arc and things will get a little serious. Meanwhile to those that have a sense of humor just laugh hysterically at this chapter.  
**

* * *

Chapter 5 Missions

When the gang made it to the forest of death, they found their Sensei stuffing her face with Dango.

"Good morning students," said Anko in a cheery voice. "Are you ready for today's torture?"

"Unless you mean tickle torture, then no," said Daisuke. Suddenly a kunai whizzed at Daisuke cutting his left cheek. Anko went behind him and start licking the blood off his cheek. Mai's eye twitched in disgust and Sora has a shocked look on her face. Daisuke had a freaked out look on his face.

"Let me repeat myself," said Anko in a dangerous voice. "Are you ready for today's torture?"

"Ma'am yes ma'am," squeaked Daisuke.

"Excellent," said Anko cheerfully. "And some good blood too."

"Sensei, I hope you don't do this to every person you meet," said Mai. "Don't you know you can easily get hepatitis or HIV/AIDS if you accidently lick infected blood?"

"We ninjas live very short lives anyway, so its okay to get a little daring," said Anko.

Sora shook out of her shock and asked, "what are we going to do today Anko-sensei?"

"We are going to do a few missions today," said Anko.

"Alright," shouted Daisuke. "I wonder what kind of missions Hokage-sama will give us. Maybe to rescue some damsel in distress or spy on an enemy, or hopefully even interrogate the female prisoners, I can't wait."

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Daisuke," said Anko.

* * *

At the Hokage's office.

"Old man in the white robes say what," shouted Daisuke in Sakura's form. When the team heard what their mission is, They weren't please at all. Though the girls have enough sense to keep quiet, Daisuke pretty much decide to voice his displeasure. After shouting, Iruka and Sandaime cleaned out their ears.

"Daisuke, your a genin fresh out of the academy," said Iruka. "You have to do d-rank mission."

"Is he serious Hokage-sama," asked Daisuke.

"I'm afraid so," said Hiruzen Sarutobi. "Even I had to start with d-rank missions when I was just a green genin."

Suddenly Daisuke had a mischievous grin. He put his hand together in a sign and his body turn into a naked Kurenai. Iruka nose bleed uncontrollably and he fainted on the floor. Fake Kurenai crawled on the table and grabbed the Hokage's head and put it on her bosom.

"Oh my Kami," thought Hiruzen. "He got everything right, the breast size, her curves, even her special place."

"If you give my team a better mission, I'll let you have a little taste," said Fake Kurenai winking. Sarutobi's nose bled and he fainted. Anko walked over to the passed out Iruka and roughly shook him awake.

"I can't believe Hokage-sama is a pervert," thought Sora. "But then again everyone has a perverted side."

"Oh, how the so called God of shinobi has fallen, to an idiot with the attention span of a rodent no less," thought Mai.

Iruka was the first to wake up and shouted, "Stop with the stupid tricks, how can you do this to our Leader."

"That's a good question," said Fake Kurenai. "First of all, Naruto did the same thing to him one time, I just wanted to see if what he said was true, and second you know how crazy I get, when I don't take my medication."

"Anko, don't you have any control of your student at all," asked Iruka.

That's a good question, but I don't think I have to discipline him" said Anko pointing to the office door. Everyone looked to the door and saw team 8. Kiba and Shino was passed out on the floor nose bleeding, Hinata covered her eyes with both of her hands, and Kurenai was red in the face furiously releasing killing intent.

"How dare you degrade me in front of the Hokage," growled Kurenai cracking her knuckles and walking towards Fake Kurenai.

"Run Daisuke," shouted Anko.

"Oh look at the time, Samurai pizza cats is coming on in a few minutes, gotta go," said Daisuke running out of the office with Kurenai closely behind.

"Do you think Daisuke will escape," asked Sora.

"If I know Kurenai, she'll most likely castrate him or put him in a terrifying genjutsu when she catches up to him," said Anko.

"We have to rescue him then, don't worry Daisuke I'm coming," shouted Sora running after the two. Anko laughed and followed only to make sure Kurenai doesn't do any lasting damages to her student.

Mai pinched the bridge of her nose and mumbled, "Why are my teammates such idiots?" as she followed her teammates.

Daisuke was so busy running for his life that he forgot to turn back, causing men to wolf whistle at a woman running naked all over the village, Daisuke looked back at a righteous female fury consumed Kurenai getting closer.

"Wait a minute, why am I running when I got the ultimate defense against angry women," thought Daisuke as he came to a sudden stop. Kurenai wasn't able to stop on time causing her to crash into him sending them both to the ground with Kurenai on top of the naked Fake Kurenai.

"I didn't know you were into girls, in that case, be gentle, this is my first time," said Fake Kurenai blushing.

"Stop becoming me," shouted Kurenai throttling him causing him to change back.

"We have to stop this, people are going to get the wrong idea and think we are having a student teacher relationship, even though you are not my sensei, you can still get in trouble," said Daisuke reaching his hands under Kurenai's armpits. Kurenai laughed trying to make the tickling stop, giving Daisuke enough time to slide from under her.

"Gomon Kusugaru no jutsu," shouted Daisuke as his eyes turned pink.

Kurenai screamed in laughter, "Hahahahahahaha stop hahahaha it hahahaha you delinquent hahahaha I'll hahahaha tell hahahaha your Sensei hahahahaha."

"Ooh, I'm so scared," taunted Daisuke.

Anko, Sora, and Mai came in time to witness the fourth member of their team having his usual fun.

"Looks like Daisuke didn't need any help after all," giggled Anko taking pictures of Kurenai rolling on the ground laughing. "Kind of fun watching Konoha's genjutsu mistress slash ice queen laughing like a little girl, huh Nai-chan."

"Anko hahaha make this monster hahahahaha stop," begged Kurenai.

"Hmm I don't know," said Anko. "Will you buy me to some dango for two weeks?"

"Nooooohohohohoho," Shouted Kurenai.

"Daisuke increase the sensation," said Anko. Daisuke happily did what he was told driving Kurenai completely insane.

"Alright hahahaha I'll buy you all the dango you want for a month hahahahaha," screamed Kurenai.

"Hot Dog, you got your self a deal Nai-chan, your the best," shouted Anko. "You can stop now, Daisuke."

Daisuke reluctantly stop and hid behind Anko for protection. Kurenai just laid on the ground panting from exhaustion.

* * *

Back at the Hokage tower, After some verbal reprimanding Team Anko finally got some d-rank missions. First cleaning the inside of the Hyuga compound. Mai was in charge of painting the walls of one of the rooms, Sora was in charge of cleaning inside the many bathrooms, Daisuke was in charge of cleaning inside the Hyuga training area, and Anko was busy supervising one at a time while eating some Dango. Daisuke finished with his task early decided to kick back and relax when suddenly he was disturbed by a voice.

"What is a commoner like you doing in the Hyuga compound," said a little girl. Daisuke turned his head get a better look at the little girl. She looked like she was least 8, has dark brown hair with long bangs, and white eyes, She wore an armless blue v-neck shirt with a mesh blouse underneath and blue shorts. She has a look of superiority.

"I have a name Shorty and if you must know I was hired to clean it, little girl," said Daisuke.

"Shorty, Little girl," shouted the little girl. "Do you know who I am?"

"A bougie brat who needs a spanking from her parents instead of them hiring super nannies," said Daisuke.

"How dare he talks to me like that," thought the little girl. "Who does this pathetic commoner think he is? I'm a Hyuuga! I have been raised to be the leader of the greatest clan in konoha."

"I am Hanabi Hyuga the future heir of the Hyuuga clan," said Hanabi

"Oh no, I didn't know who I was talking to, Oh please don't get Massa Colonel on this lowly slave," mocked Daisuke. "Hey everyone, Massa Colonel's daughter is going to have me beaten. Wait are you related to Hinata?"

"Don't compare me to that weakling Hinata-nee-san," grumbled Hanabi.

"Hey now Hanabi, that's your sister, you know," said Daisuke.

"That's Hanabi-sama to you, you court jester. I don't have to respect that weakling," said Hanabi.

"You know, your more of a spoiled rude brat than that blond little princess and that blond midget soul reaper from Bleach, I forgot their names though," said Daisuke. "Your barely out of your diapers, yet you have the audacity think your better than everyone else because of who your daddy is you little midget."

"That's it," shouted Hanabi activating her Byakugan and getting into her Hyuga stance. "I hate disrespectful bastards like you, who have the misguided thought that they can mock others who are their superiors."

"You know usually I'm above picking a fight with a little kid," said Daisuke turning into Hinata. "But it's time for big sister to show some tough love."

Hanabi looked at him in shock to see that it wasn't a regular henge or genjutsu and that it was real flesh and blood. "You're a Henshin dekiru ningen (shapeshifter)," shouted Hanabi.

"Damn straight, Shorty" said Fake Hinata getting into her Hyuga stance. "Now accept your Onee-tama's love, Hanabi-tan."

Hanabi angrily charged trying to use Gentle fist and taijutsu on her, but failing miserably as Fake Hinata dodged her strikes and smacked away the back of her hands.

"Hold still, Weakling," shouted Hanabi.

"Do you think I'm stupid enough to just stand there and let you hit me, you little Fire cracker," laughed Fake Hinata. "You're sister is more fun to fight than you, if only she can break out of her shy shell, she can kick a whole lot of people's ass."

Hanabi roared in anger and charged again only to be restrained by a boa constrictor. Hanabi looked up to see Anko holding the snake with Sora and Mai right next to her. "That's enough Hanabi-san," said Anko. "You should know better than to pick a fight with someone outside of sanctioned spars. What would your father say if he see's you behaving like this?"

"I guess playtime is over since daddy's home," said Fake Hinata turning back into Daisuke.

"Hanabi, this type of behavior is not acceptable in this house," said an Older Man. He has long dark brown hair and pupiless white eyes like all members of his clan. He wears a loose fitting robes with a cloak.

"Tou-sama," said Hanabi bowing to him.

"Hiashi-sama, I apologize for the altercation of my student and your daughter," said Anko.

Hiashi held his hand up, "There's nothing to apologize for, apparently my daughter needs a lot of training if she has trouble with a genin who knows how defend better than my other daughter. Here's the money that I owe you."

"Why thank you Hiashi-sama, Let's go Daisuke," said Anko.

"Bye Shorty, we should play with each other some more the next time I come over, peace midget" waved Daisuke.

"He thinks I'm playing with him, when I was just trying to kill him," thought Hanabi gritting her teeth in anger and looking at him with hate. "That commoner will pay for my humiliation or my name isn't Hanabi Hyuga."

"What exactly were you thinking, picking a fight with the Hyuga Head's daughter of all people," asked Mai.

"Hey she attacked me first, so I was mostly on the defensive" said Daisuke. "I did discover a few things about the shrimp though. One she is feisty and just as dangerous as any other Hyuga, and for a midget she's a lot better fighter than her sister, but she's slower on her strikes than Hinata is which is why I can block it. If she didn't let her emotions get the better of her and if she was the same age as me, I might have been in trouble. I can tell she's going to be quite a powerhouse in a few years or so. I could've tickled her until she peed herself or kick her ass, but I don't want to hear Hinata bitch about it. Despite everything, she loves her younger bougie sister and her bougie, jacked-up family.

"You're quite observant," said Sora impressed.

"Only in my own right," said Daisuke.

"I wonder what missions we have to do next," said Mai.

* * *

The next two missions for the week was considered to be a living hell for the team. The first mission was to babysit a bunch of little kids at a daycare because the teacher was on a vacation leave.

"Now are you sure these kids won't give my team any trouble," asked Anko.

"These little darlings are angels, you have nothing to worry about," said a woman who was wearing a nurse uniform as she was lying through her teeth and quickly left the building.

"Okay then, now kids I have to take care of some personal things, so I'll be back soon," said Anko leaving.

"This is an insult to my abilities as a ninja," groaned Mai. "We babysit Daisuke all the time."

Daisuke pouted, "That hurts my feelings, at least you didn't have to change my diapers, when I was a baby."

"Lets put aside the arguing and do the mission," said Sora. "They're just kids, whats the worst that can happen."

The team walked into the daycare center and saw little kids playing all around the room. Some are playing ball, jumping rope, painting, and making arts and craft. Suddenly the door behind the team closed behind them and locked by itself. Sora tried opening the door but it was stuck. Suddenly the kids stop what they were doing and stared at the team with a mischievous gleam in their eyes. The team turned to the kids and gave them nervous smiles.

"So kids, what games do you like to play," asked Daisuke. The kids were too busy talking among themselves. What they were about to say would make the team want to run for their lives.

"Let's use them as trampolines," suggested one of them. a few of them cheered.

"What the fuck," thought the team.

"Let's use them as ropes for tug of war to see how long they can stretch," suggested another. A few more cheered in agreement.

"Oh my Kami, it's like a bunch of Selim Bradley's up in here," said Daisuke.

"Let's tickle them for hours," suggested another. More kids cheered.

"Hell yeah, let's do it, I'm very ticklish on both my armpits" shouted Daisuke happily, but quickly became silent when Mai glared at him with her eyes glowing red and Sora giving him a incredulous and stern look. "Um, what I meant to say was, no please, anything but that," shouted Daisuke.

"Let's watch a movie," suggested another kid. All of the kids cheered.

"Oh that's great they want to watch a movie," said Sora. "Wait a minute, what movie do you guys want to watch?"

One of the kids smiled deviously and said, "**the Batman and Robin movie directed By Joel Schumacher."** The kids smiled evilly as they walked slowly towards the team some holding ropes while ominous music plays in the background.

Daisuke, Mai, and Sora quickly looked at each other in fear and tried desperately to bust down the door. But for some reason the door won't budge.

Mai had a panicked look on her face as she screamed, "Let me out, let me the fuck out please," while banging on the door. Sora and Daisuke threw chairs at the windows, but the glass was tempered. The kids came ever so closer. The team gave sad looks to each other as they held each other just as the kids leap at them. From outside the buildings you can hear screams of terror and fear. The sign on the building that says daycare center fell and revealed to be a **mental institute for young children.**

6 Hours later Anko came back to the building and saw the real sign. Fearing the worst Anko ran into the room and gotten the shock of her life. The children were fast asleep. The team were tied to chairs forced to watch Batman and Robin for the third time. When they saw their sensei, they quickly cried for help and Anko quickly untied them. They quickly stood upright and ran to her and hugged her.

"Mommy, why did you leave us with those monsters," cried Daisuke. "Too many lame one-liners, bat nipples and bat asses. Crappy villains and a fucking Bat credit card."

"Please don't make us go back there, it was horrible," cried Sora.

"Evil, those kids were pure evil," said a traumatized Mai.

Anko hugged them and said, "Let's get the hell out of this nut house." The team got out of there as soon as possible.

"We never mention this to anyone and we never speak of this again," said Mai.

"Agreed," said Sora and Daisuke.

"Well what do you know, the daycare center was right next to the building the whole time," said Anko. "You guys still want to complete the mission." The team gave her a mean look and turned the opposite direction.

"I'll take that as a no then," shrugged Anko.

* * *

The next mission was the worst of all, they have to chase Tora the cat who keeps running away from it's owner, the daimyo's wife, Lady Shijimi. The team found the cat and engaged in an epic battle. Daisuke turned into a cat and engaged the devil cat. After 5 seconds Daisuke was soundly defeated and he turned back. Mai and Sora tried catching the cat, but they were scratched and bitten by the evil cat.

"Okay, this cat definitely doesn't want to go back to it's owner," said Sora holding her scratched arm.

"Let's grab it at the same time," suggested Daisuke.

The team charged at the same time, while Tora charged the team. A cloud of dust erupted around them and when it was clear, Tora was standing on top of the bruised team waving it's paws in victory.

"How the hell did we get our asses kicked by a damn house cat," said Daisuke.

"I hate to say this, but if we want to capture the cat we have to fight to kill," said Mai.

"Hell yeah, let shave that pussy balder then a porn star," shouted Daisuke. Both Sora and Mai gave him a weird look.

"We're you peeking in the woman's side of the hot springs again?" asked Mai.

"I'll never tell," sang Daisuke.

"Alright team, enough playing games, let roast this little bitch," shouted Sora performing hand signs. It was at this time Tora the cat realized too late that it was completely and utterly fucked.

* * *

At the Hokage's office, the team stood in front of the Hokage, while the Hokage had both of his hands covering his face. The daimyo's wife was sobbing while holding the corpse of Tora. The body was roasted to the point of being unrecognizable. There was multiple stab wounds on it's torso, bite marks from what appeared to come from a dog, and it's neck was snapped in two.

"So you see Hokage-sama," said Sora. "Tora was found in the Inuzuka training ground, we were too late to rescue it as we witness the dogs tear the cat apart with their teeth."

"Ma'am, I'm sorry about your pet, I will talk to the Inuzukas about this," said The Hokage trying not to laugh. The woman kept sobbing and walked out of the room. Suddenly team 7 entered the office.

"Team 7 reporting for duty," said Kakashi reading his porn. "What happened to Tora?"

Anko sighed, "It seems my genin may or may not accidentally killed it, good riddance I say." The Hokage coughed to get everyone attention, "Alright everyone for your next mission, there's painting a fence, walking some dogs, finding a lost rabbit, helping someone garden, helping someone move into a new house, getting some-"

"No, no, no, no," shouted Naruto. "Give us some better missions, I had enough of these stupid chores, old man."

"Naruto, your a genin fresh out of the academy, your suppose to do d-rank mission," shouted Iruka.

"Show some respect, Naruto," shouted Sakura about to hit Naruto, but then she saw Daisuke smiling at her with his eyes glowing pink. Sakura nervously retracted her hand and kept quiet. Daisuke being satisfied turn his eyes back to black.

The Hokage sighed," You can do something besides making nuisances of yourselves for a change, so I'm going to give both teams a joint c-rank escort mission, send him in." Suddenly a drunken old man came in into the office with a bottle of sake. "Everyone meet Tazuna the bridge builder."

"This is what I get for protection, a bunch of brats and a midget that dresses up as an orange clown," said Tazuna taken a swig of his drink. Naruto realizing that Tazuna was talking to him charged at him, but was held back by Kakashi and Daisuke.

"Whoa Naruto," said Daisuke. "Wait until we leave the village, then you can kill him."

"Everyone meet at the north gates in one hour, " said Kakashi.

* * *

**And that's the end of the fifth chapter. Next chapter part 1 of the land of waves arc and believe me the events that will happen will be totally unexpected Any questions, comments, shout outs, Review.**


	6. Encounter with the demon brothers

**I don't own Naruto. Please try to remember that this is fanfiction and doesn't follow canon word to word.**

* * *

Chapter 6: The demon brothers.

Team 7, Tazuna and Team Anko were waiting at the north gate for Kakashi who hasn't came yet. Anko was getting very impatient with the telltale signs of a vein bursting in her forehead.

"Is he always late," asked Sora.

"That jackass would be late for his own funeral, if he chooses," said Anko. "I'll be back." Anko left the genins all by themselves to search for the trifling Jounin-Sensei.

"So Naruto," said Daisuke "do you still want to beat up that old drunk for insulting you earlier?"

"That reminds me, what's the big idea calling me a midget you old drunk," shouted Naruto. Sakura hit him upside the head and shouted, "Be quiet, Naruto, your yelling is disturbing Sasuke-kun and show some respect, he is our client."

"Ouch Sakura-chan," whined Naruto rubbing his head. "Daisuke said it too."

"Because she knows what I would do to her, if she tries that with me," said Daisuke pulling out some strong rope.

"Sakura, I warned you what would happen if you hit Naruto in front of me again," said Daisuke walking towards her. "Prepare to pay the penalty."

Sakura had a look of fear and ran with Daisuke chasing her. "Save me Sasuke-kun," cried Sakura as she was being hog-tied. Sasuke briefly looked at her and mumbled something about annoying team before brooding and fantasizing about killing his brother.

"Sucks being you bitch," smiled Daisuke. "So where do you want it, feet, underarms, ribs, tummy, bellybutton." Sakura sighed and mumbled, "Surprise me."

"Raspberries it is," said Daisuke raising her shirt up exposing her stomach.

Tazuna took a swig of his sake and asked, "Shouldn't we stop this?" hearing Sakura laughing hysterically.

"Better he gets it out of his system," said Mai polishing and sharpening her kunai's with a porcelain and metal steel. "besides we don't want the little acarophile to turn his attention on us."

"I want him to do that to me," mumbled Sora.

Daisuke looked at Naruto and shouted, "Join me Naruto, her feet is exposed. Let's tame this cow. Get the branding iron."

"No thanks, Daisuke." said Naruto. "I don't want Sakura-chan to be angry at me."

"Naruto, stop being a punk with these tsundere bitches," said Daisuke.

Suddenly Daisuke was hit upside the head by Anko. "Daisuke please take your medication," said Anko cutting Sakura loose. "Sorry Sensei," said Daisuke rubbing his head. After everyone got themselves situated the leaf shinobi's and kunoichi's left the village heading towards the land of waves. Everyone surrounded Tazuna as they were on they walked, with Anko's team covering the rear flank and Kakashi's team covering the front flank. Soon Daisuke became bored and decided to sing.

"Come on Naruto, sing with me man," said Daisuke as he was making beatboxing noises.

"Fine," sighed Naruto.

_Naruto: Let's go hurry up, everybody come on._

_Daisuke: I know we can do it, so hurry and lets get to it._

_Naruto: Where are we going?_

_Daisuke: The land of Waves. Where are we going?_

_Naruto: The land of waves. Where are we going?_

_Daisuke: The land of Waves. Where are we going?_

_Naruto: The land of waves._

_(random dancing)_

_Both: The land of waves. Whee._

Sora giggled while everybody else sweat dropped. "_Ugh, I have to depend on these two idiots for protection_," thought Tazuna. "_I'm so screwed_."

"Would you two keep it down? You're going to attract bandits," said Tazuna.

"May I need to remind you that you hired us to protect you from bandits, If they come we'll take care of them, I've been trained by the best sensei in the world, Anko-sensei" said Daisuke. "And besides, we got the future Hokage Naruto here so we got nothing to worry about."

"Thanks Dai, that means so much to me," said Naruto. "No problem Buddy," said Daisuke.

"Even so, we still need to be careful we cannot afford to get overconfident," said Anko.

As the group kept walking, they walked pass two puddles. Mai asked Anko, "Sensei, has it been raining recently?" "No, not that I know of," said Anko pulling out a kunai. "I didn't think so either," sighed Mai pulling out her kunai.

Suddenly two men came out of the puddle and wrapped chains around Kakashi and Anko necks and seemingly decapitated them. Daisuke screamed like a girl in horror of his sensei being killed. The two men headed towards Naruto. Naruto panics and freezes in fear and just as he was about to be killed, Sasuke steps in and breaks their chains. Taking advantage of Sasuke's attack, Daisuke turns into a ram and he and Mai charges towards them two men, Mai kicked one of them in the face and Daisuke headbutted the other on in the stomach. Barely fazed the men headed toward where Sakura, Sora, and Tazuna were at. The two girls stood in front of Tazuna. Sakura pulled out a kunai and Sora did some hand signs.

**Fire Release: Mini Fireball jutsu (Chibi hinotama no jutsu)**" said Sora as she launched the small fireballs at the men, however they were too fast for the attack. Suddenly two snakes wrapped around their waist and was pulled by Anko. Anko swung them around before tossing them towards Kakashi who knocked them both out with a punch to both of their faces.

After tying up the men Kakashi and Anko went towards the genin to check to see if they were all right. Mai noticed Naruto's hand was bleeding and quickly grabbed it. Mai begin to put Naruto's hand in her mouth and suck a bit of blood before spitting it out.

"It's poison," shouted Mai as she began to suck out more blood and spitting it out. "Naruto are you alright," asked a concerned Daisuke. "No I'm not alright," shouted Naruto. "I froze and I put my friends in danger, because of it. What kind of Hokage does that?"

"Don't be so hard on yourself, buddy, nobody is perfect." said Daisuke. "Shit happens sometimes, the most importing thing is that we are all still alive. So learn from this experience and make damn sure it doesn't happen again."

Naruto took his hand from Mai and stab it with a kunai to drain the rest of the poison. "I swear I won't ever let my friends fend for themselves again. I will not run away, I won't back down from any mission, threat, or enemy and I will not lose to Sasuke."

"Damn that shit is hardcore," said Daisuke, "You're a badass when you want to be aren't you." Naruto gave Daisuke his grin.

Kakashi walked up to Naruto and said, "That is impressive, but if you don't stop the bleeding you will bleed to death." Naruto panicked and yelled that he doesn't want to die. Mai took a small vial from her pack opened it, grabbed Naruto's hand and poured it on the wound, then she wraps the hand up.

"Kakashi-sensei, who are those men?" asked Sakura. Kakashi looked at a nervous Tazuna and said, "We need to talk."

"Everybody listen up," said Kakashi. "Those two men are Gozu and Meizu aka the Demon brothers, two chunin level missing nins from Kirigakure the village hidden in the mist. Tazuna, those men were after you, you said that bandits were after you. This is at least a B to A rank mission above our parameters. You lied and one of my genin nearly died, because we were unprepared. Give us one good reason why we shouldn't go back."

Tazuna begins to tell the ninjas why he lied and that Gato the shipping magnate who is really secretly a drug dealer as well as the owner of a smuggling business has put a foothold in the land of waves. He took control of the Land of waves shipping routes and created a monopoly by isolating the country from the outside world, preventing free import and export and turning it into an impoverished, hunger-stricken country in the process. The only way to revitalize the economy was by building a bridge to the mainland that could render moot Gatō's shipping monopoly. However, Gatō did not want that to happen and sent ninjas to kill him.

"In Konoha we're reasonable enough to do payment plan, so there was no reason to lie in the first place," said Anko. "By our right, we should terminate this contract and head back."

"Please you got to help me out, I have a daughter and a grandson back at home, if you don't and I die they'll curse Konoha," begged Tazuna.

"Oh, don't use that guilt-trip on us you liar, liar, pants on fire, hanging from a telephone wire," said Daisuke. "Behave yourself Daisuke," said Mai elbowing him in the gut.

"I choose to help him," said Naruto. "We accepted this mission and I'm seeing it through." Sasuke and a reluctant Sakura agreed to continue. Anko turned to her team and asked, "What do you guys want to do?"

"I'll go with them just to see how deep the rabbit hole goes," said Daisuke. "I'm in no hurry to get back to Konoha," said Mai. "I'll go as well," said Sora.

"So we're in agreement, we'll continue the mission," said Anko.

"Oh, thank you, thank you. I'll make absolutely sure you guys are paid for the mission as your rank implies," said a grateful Tazuna.

"All right, lets head out," said Kakashi.

* * *

Meanwhile in the land of waves, a midget in a business suit is currently bitching to a tall shirtless man (with a huge sword, bandages around his mouth, and wearing a Kirigakure hitae-ate,) about his subordinates failure to kill Tazuna and that there are two high level ninjas with the kids. The shirtless man irritated by the midget's bitching pointed his sword at him to get him to shut-up. He stood up and vowed to kill the bridge builder himself and anyone who gets in his way.

* * *

**I'm going to stop right there for now. I know it's been a long time since I've updated, but unexpected shit happens in life sometimes so review in your honest positive opinions or put it as your favorites or alerts. Peace.**


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